Merry's Birthday
by Mako-Shadows
Summary: WARNING: Very OOC! Pippin goes on a hilarious quest to find Merry the perfect birthday present. Hope you enjoy our little piece of insanity. Please Read and Review. Chapter 4 UP!
1. An Epic Quest Begins

Merry's Birthday (or Lord of the Keys)

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- We do not own Lord of the Rings blah blah blah.

Warning- Very out of character for the most part. It also doesn't really follow the ending of the story mostly because Frodo and the others are not gone and Fordo still lives in Bag End. There are also other things that don't really fit but just work with us.

Chapter One - An Epic Quest Begins

~*~*~*~

Pippin, Merry, Sam and Frodo were sitting around a table in Bag End having tea. Pippin was very much enjoying his tea when an apple came through the window and hit him on the head. He ended up biting his tongue and spilling his tea all over him and everyone else at the table. How one little teacup could get everyone so soaking wet is beyond me but this is Pippin after all. 

"Target Practice." Someone muttered outside the window. This someone was of course Aragorn who had taken to throwing apples at Pippin at unexpected times as well as when he complained that he was hungry.

Pippin was thinking of the horrible things he would do to Aragorn the next time he saw him. These horrible things mostly involved throwing a bucket of water on him and running away screaming like a girl. When it hit him. It really hit him. The force of the idea actually made him fall off his chair. Thursday was Merry's birthday and he had forgotten to get him a present. Oh no! What was he going to do? Pippin thought hard for a moment but it wasn't really working because all he could hear was Gandalf's voice saying Fool of a Took! so he stopped thinking. Then he decided what to do. He would go on a quest to find Merry the perfect present.

"OH NO! OH NO! MERRY'S BIRTHDAY! MERRY'S BIRTHDAY!" Pippin yelled running out the front door. The others just gave a long suffering sigh and went back to their tea. Pippin did this often in case you hadn't gathered.

So Pippin ran off into the green of the Shire without a pocket handkerchief. While Pippin was running he ran into everyone's favourite elf Legolas. Pippin was running so fast that he couldn't stop himself before he crashed into Legolas. BOOM! They both fell onto the green grass of the Shire. Pippin was still trying to run and shouting incoherently.

"Pip, Pip calm down!" Legolas said grabbing Pippin by the shoulder.

"CALM DOWN! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I CAN'T CALM DOWN! I FORGOT MERRY'S BIRTHDAY AGAIN!" Pippin yelled.

"So that's why you're running like a chicken with its head cut off." Legolas said.

"What did you get him Legolas?" Pippin asked.

"Only the most original present in all of Middle-Earth. I am giving Master Meriadoc a bow. But not just any bow a hobbit sized bow." Legolas extolled. 

"Boy Legolas that's a great gift. But do know what I should get him?" Pippin asked.

"Well what does he like?" Legolas asked.

"Well I heard him saying he wanted to own the world one time. And that he especially likes Rivendell." Pippin said after a while.

"So Pippin you have to get Merry the world for his birthday." Legolas said wisely at least in Pippin's eyes. Then Pippin said that he really had to be going or Merry wouldn't be getting a present. 

* Flashback to other birthdays*

Gimli's Birthday. His present from Legolas a dwarf-sized bow which said. Happy Birthday. May your beard never get caught in the bow. From Legolas.

Aragorn's Birthday. His present from Legolas was a long bow. Merry pleasant day big bro*. From Legolas.

Gandalf's Birthday. His present from Legolas was a short bow that attached to his staff. Good wishes may this bow prove handy when dealing with Pippin. From Legolas.

Elrond's Birthday's. His present from Legolas was a bow of course. It said something in elvish about his age and Elrond was kind of upset by the little upstart elf Legolas.

Frodo's Brithday. His present from Legolas a hobbit-sized bow. Happy days. Look it has my autograph. From Legolas.

*End Flashback*

__

Boy I wonder what Legolas will get me? Pippin thought as he wandered away. 

So began Pippin's legendary quest for Merry's Birthday Present.

~*~*~*~

*- This is just because in the movies my sister and me kind of think that Legolas acts like Aragorn's little brother or something at the Council of Elrond. Always jumping to his defence

AN- I am sorry that we made Legolas and Pippin so well... dumb. They are our favourite characters and we don't mean to insult them. We just find it easy to make fun of them especially Legolas. Apologies all. 


	2. The Light of Herbal Essence

Merry's Birthday (or Lord of the Keys)

by Mako-Shadows

AN- We know that Hobbits give others presents on their birthdays but we decided to ignore that little fact. Thanks to the reviewer who pointed that out.

Chapter Two: The Light of Herbal Essence.

~*~*~*~

Pippin had been wandering for about fifteen minutes when he heard. 'Ai, Ai, Pippin wait up!'. Pippin stopped and waited for Legolas to catch up which didn't take long. When Leoglas got there he was really excited and wasn't speaking very coherently. After a while though Pippin was able to determine that Lego wanted to join him on his epic quest. 

"Well alright I guess you can come. I might need that elvish wisdom of yours before this is over." Pippin said and the two set off. Little did they know that a certain ranger had started to follow along behind them. He didn't want to help or anything but he wasn't sure that he could make it to Merry's birthday without throwing at least one apple at Pippin. Now that he was following them all he had to do was wait for the right moment.

Pippin and Legolas walked away from the Shire and were on their way to somewhere. Legolas was of course hugging his bow as they walked. He didn't want it to get lonely. Soon they came to a cave, seeing as how there was no way around the cliff except through the cave they decided to go in. It was very dark in the cave and that was of course when they realised they had no lantern or torch or Gandalf's staff or the Light of Eärendil. They were in quite a bind and were of course beginning to panic until Legolas remembered something.

"Don't worry Pip. I have something that will light the way." Lego said and as Pippin looked at him he realised that Legolas' hair was glowing slightly. 

"What is it?" Pippin asked thinking that if Legolas didn't really have anything to light the way they could just use his head as a flashlight.

"Aha! Here it is!" Lego exclaimed pulling something out of his small travelling pack. He only used it to keep the essentials in when travelling you know shampoo, conditioner, gel, hair spray, a brush, a comb, and of course we cannot forget a mirror. He wasn't conceited or obsessed with his hair he just knew that being a pretty boy took work and a few choice accessories. Pippin watched very closely as he pulled out ... a bottle of shampoo which was glowing brightly.

"What's that?"

"It is herbal essence shampoo. I use it all the time to make my hair have a healthy shine." Legolas said.

"I knew you would be useful to have along. But let's call it the Light of Herbal Essence instead of shampoo because it makes it sound more important and we are on an epic quest so we have to have important sounding things. Right?" Pippin said.

"Of course and besides if we said we used shampoo to light the way through some caves everyone would laugh at us." Lego said tearing up at the mere thought of being laughed at.

So on went the two of them through the caves by Light of Herbal Essence. Pippin was of course holding the shampoo bottle while Legolas followed along behind hugging his bow to ward off the bogie monster. Lego was just a bit afraid of the dark. Aragorn swift and silent as a shadow was following them and had overheard their conversation and made a mental note to tell everybody about it so they could laugh at Lego and Pip. He knew everyone would have a great time seeing Legolas cry. 

Aragorn was following along behind them in the caves and was about to throw an apple when they were attacked by 'orcs'. Well Lego and Pip though they were orcs but in fact they were just some few cockroaches. And soon they had been vanquished.

"Well those orcs sure were tough to beat eh?" Lego said.

"Yeah. I thought we weren't going to make it for a moment there." Pippin said and the two walked on guided by the shampoo bottle talking about their first epic battle. In the darkness a voice could be heard to mutter 'idiots'.

After what seemed like ages they finally left the caves and found that they were near Rivendell. So after a few minutes debate Lego and Pippin decided to go and ask Elrond, Arwen and Bilbo what they got Merry for his birthday. While they were walking through the forest they came across Arwen and stopped to talk to her. They told her of their epic quest so far and all about the journey through the caves.

"Oh and what is this Light of Herbal Essence? I have never heard of that star before." Arwen said.

"Oh well Herbal Essence is that star." Pippin said pointing up at a random star. Arwen nodded very impressed and said "I always told everyone that you two were the wisest of the Fellowship."

~*~*~*~

AN- We don't own Herbal Essence 


	3. Lord Elrond's Advice

Merry's Birthday 

by Mako-Shadows

Chapter Three: Lord Elrond's Advice

~*~*~*~

Legolas and Pippin followed Arwen to Rivendell to ask Lord Elrond to advise them on their epic quest and of course what he had got Merry for his birthday. Arwen had gotten Merry some shoe polish for his birthday. Lego and Pip thought this really odd since Merry didn't wear shoes but decided not to point it out as Arwen probably wouldn't understand anyway. Soon they arrived at Rivendell and went to talk to Bilbo. 

"So Bilbo, what you get Merry?" Pippin asked.

"Oh I got him 'Stealing Mushrooms for Dummies' but I think perhaps I should have got this for you instead." Bilbo said with a small smirk.

"Ah thanks." Pip said not realising Bilbo was dissing him. 

After talking to Bilbo for a little while they went to see Elrond. Elrond was in his study reading something that looked suspiciously like PlayElf, but Lego and Pip couldn't tell for sure as Elrond stuffed it somewhere as soon as they walked in.

"Elrond old buddy, old pal, tell me what I should get Merry for his birthday?" Pip asked.

Elrond raised an eyebrow at Pip and Lego before replying. "You should get him something he likes."

"I thought you supposed to be wise that's something that an orc would say." Pip said. And Lego could be forgiven for nearly choking Pip as he grabbed him round the collar and bolted. 

That night as James Bond music floated softly through the air and Lord Elrond was tucked all cozy snug in his bed a figure could be seen creeping around his room. This figure was Pippin, and Lego was right outside the door keeping watch. Pippin crept up to Lord Elrond and quick as bunny snatched the Key to Rivendell off Elrond's neck and replaced it with a foil covered chocolate key. Pip thought it might come in handy later and that's why he was willing to give up chocolate for it.

He ran out of the room grabbed Lego and they took of into the night after a short stop in the kitchen for supplies and few quick ales. 

"So Lego where to next?" Pip asked.

"Well we could go to-" Lego started but was interrupted when a barrage of apples hit them. Aragorn had set up several catapults loaded with apples.

"Retreat to Lothlorien." Lego shouted.

~*~*~*~

AN- Well that's it. Sorry about the lateness. 


	4. Retreat to Lothlorien?

Merry's Birthday 

by Mako_Shadows

Disclaimer- We don't own Pokémon, Gundam Wing, Pinky and the Brain or spandex. We do however own magic hold-all bags.

Chapter Four: Retreat to Lothlorien!?

~*~*~*~

Two figures covered in apple bits and bruises were standing on the top of a hill, where they could see for miles in any direction. They thought that this was the best course of action after being bombarded by apple catapults just outside of Rivendell. It was very lucky that Aragorn had come along just in time to save them. Of course they had no idea why he snickered as they thanked him most profusely. Ah, to be a stereotypical blond.

"Retreat to Lothlorien. What were you thinking Lego? Lothlorien? I mean that means we have to go through Moria." Pip complained.

"No we don't," Lego started, "There are other ways to get to Lothlorien."

"Do you know any of them?" Pip asked pointedly. Lego shook his head sheepishly. "I thought not. Through the Mines we go. By the Leggy have you still got the Light of Herbal Essence?" Lego nodded. 

"Umm... Lego what's that?" Pip asked pointing to something in the distance. His voice shook a little.

"Nothing. It's just a moving bush." Lego said.

"Do you think it's related to Treebeard?" Pippin asked.

"Probably Pippin. Why else would it be moving if it wasn't related to an Ent. Its probably a baby Ent." Lego said all wise sounding.

"Lego, you're so smart." Pip said, not afraid of the moving bush anymore.

A close up view of the 'baby Ent'. The baby Ent was in fact none other than everyone's favourite Ranger Aragorn! He was hiding in a fake bush and slowly trying to sneak up on our heroes. Our heroes were now resting and eating. I mean one had to build one's strength up before entering the mines after all.

~*~*~*~

A long time later Lego and Pip reached the Westgate, they had forgotten that it was all blocked and stuff. They stood there pondering their situation.

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pip?" Lego asked.

"I think so... But what do Bananas in Pyjama's have to do with Yu-Gi-Oh!?" Pip replied.

Aragorn, now disguised in his Onix the Pokémon halloween costume, let out a long-suffering sigh. Pippin heard this and immediately stiffened.

"Lego did you hear that?" He hissed.

"Yeah. I think it was a Ringwraith." Lego said. "Pip, desperate measures call for desperate times."

"Err... Lego isn't it the other way around?" Pip asked.

"Oh right. How's this. Semit etarepsed rof llac serusaem etarepsed, piP." Lego replied.

"Oh... I get it now." Pip shouted.

Lego grabbed Pip by the feet and swung his head towards the rocks that were in the way. They immediately shattered and Lego put Pip down. Pippin was of course unhurt. Aragorn however was, he had hid in the pile of rock so when Lego swung Pip like a golf club, Aragorn was sent blasting off.

"Looks like Aragorn's blasting off again." He shouted becoming one with a star in the distance.

"Did you hear something, Pip?" Lego asked.

"Naw... But as the old saying goes, what goes up, must come down." Pip said.

"What do suppose that means?" Lego asked.

"Oh, it's quite simple, Legolas Greenleaf. There's a falling Onix." Pip said as Aragorn came crashing back down covered in soot.

"Oh, that's nice ashes on my Onix." The Watcher in the Water said as he threw a pokéball at Aragorn.

Lego and Pip just shrugged and continued on their way. 

~*~*~*~

In the bowels of Moria, life went on. The Orcs had set up a tourist information, which Lego and Pip were currently visiting.

"If your looking for accommodation, we've got some nice, cozy elvish sized spits, always proud to cook the fair folk. Mr...?"

"Spandex. My name is Spandex." Lego said. Thinking it would be good to use a false name. Just then Heero popped in. "Hey! Copyright infringement!" He shouted. Obviously he had been hanging out with Duo too much lately.

Needless to say all involved were disturbed, but thankfully not cooked... yet.

~*~*~*~

After Pippin and Lego escaped from being the main course, they ran into a cat. This cat was named Pikachu* and he was selling magic hold-all bags. Which his owner had invented and at some point in time he had stolen the lot of them and set off to sell them in various fandoms.

"Oh, Lego let's get a magic hold-all bag!" Pippin shouted excitedly. So Lego bought two magic hold-all, one for him and Pippin, and one just in case. Little did they know that Aragorn had also bought a magic hold-all bag in which to put an unlimited supply of.... you guessed it.... APPLES! Pikachu thinking that three bags sold in this fandom was enough for now and popped away to a different fandom.

~*~*~*~  
Pippin and Lego had now worked their way to where the stairs of Kazad-dûm used to be.

"How are we supposed to get to the other side Lego?" Pip asked.

"Oh that's easy." Lego said and then attached some thread to one of his arrows and shot it across the chasm. It hit something and stuck.

"Nuh-uh." Pippin protested. "I am not walking across a thread. I can't even see it."

Just then Aragorn, who had apparently escaped the Watcher in the Water, came crashing up behind them. He was now disguised as a Balrog. It wasn't really a great disguise but it fooled our fools... I mean heroes. The took off, like a shot out of Mordor, across the thread and out of Moria.

~*~*~*~

Outside of Moria Pip and Lego rested up and relaxed and of course ate. Now though they weren't resting for a dreaded trip through Moria, instead they were resting for a visit to everyone's favourite psycho elf Galadriel. Though to tell the truth they were more excited about visiting Haldir again. Think of all the pranks they could play. It was too bad Merry wasn't there, Pip thought.

"Oh wait if Merry were here we couldn't get his present." He said out loud. Lego raised an eyebrow and then went back to playing 'What animals do the clouds look like.'

"Look Pip a bunny!" Lego said.

"A bunny! Where?" Pip shouted grabbing his fork and knife.

~*~*~*~

*To find out more about Pikachu the cat, who is really my cat, and his magic hold-all bag business, please read Cloud's Revenge. In which Legolas appears as a guest star... er... sort of. Also coming soon Pikachu (The cat) and the Magic hold-all bag. Which will explain more about this character and how he came to be selling magic hold-all bags in various fandoms.

AN- This is what happens when you give me orange juice. I don't get hyper on sugar or caffeine, but one little glass of orange juice and I am off the wall. For your enjoyment we have created a Pippin and Legolas version of Pinky and the Brain.

Pippin and the Legolas theme song

There Pippin and the Legolas,

Yes Pippin and the Legolas.

One is a pansy,

The others insane.

They've got a magic hold-all device

There clothes cut and diced.

They're Pippin,

They're Pippin, and the Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- o-las.

Before Merry's Birthday is done,

They're gift will be unfurled.

By the dawning of the sun,

Merry'll have his world.

There Pippin and the Legolas,

Yes Pippin and the Legolas.

There Middle-earth campaign,

Isn't easy to explain.

To prove there Hobbity worth,

They'll put Merry in charge of Middle-earth.

They're Pippin,

They're Pippin, and the Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- Leg- o-las.

Do doot do do do

Fool of a Took!


End file.
